“We only want the good things in life 

We want to forward fast through the rough patch 

Or even skip the ringer altogether 

Cause ain’t nobody got time for bad weather. 

It’s elitist to only want the sunshine. 

It’s unrealistic to demand “Good Vibes Only.”

One of the themes I raise in the song “Exodus” is that of “Good Vibes Only” and how I think it’s an unrealistic request and approach to life. 

The lines above were inspired by my children first and foremost who, after a streak sunshiny days and clear skies, protested at the storm clouds rolling in. “RAIN, RAIN, GO AWAY! COME BACK ANOTHER DAY!!” Why do we have this common aversion to rain? Why does the rain literally damper our parade through life?

This investigation led me ever deeper into my soul, and the rain became synonymous with bad feelings and negative emotions…and conversely, this idea of “Good Vibes Only!” Let me rewind to 5 or so years previous. 

I went to the doctor for my annual physical. After checking my levels and poking and prodding, the doctor sat down and asked about my lifestyle habits. “Are you still using tobacco?” Yes, I chain smoke, but only when I’m drinking. “And how much are you drinking?” Um….I’m not sure. “Well, how many drinks would you say you have a week?” In my mind I questioned if shots count as a drink…because a few nights prior I had at least 20 shots. I was a tank. “I know you’ve said you use marijuana pretty frequently…any other drug use?” Yeah…cocaine. “Do you shoot it or snort it?” Snort. “About how much are you using a week?” Again, on the weekends, I’d say a lot. Definitely more than I’m comfortable with. The doctor paused at this answer, put his pen down, and looked me dead in the eyes. “Are you okay?” I buckled. Yes. Yeah. I think I’m…No, I’m not okay. 

I had never experienced such a sobering moment of truth. Admitting that I wasn’t okay, that I had a problem without a solution, rocked me to the core. I was exposed, vulnerable. My eyes welled up. I felt an ugly cry coming, which made me even more sad because I couldn’t remember the last time I had cried. 

The doctor suggested that I talk to someone and gave me the number to a psychology firm, with the suggested diagnosis of mild depression and anxiety. I never imagined that I, salutatorian and Stanford grad, former Facebook employee, a person who always had everything under control, would receive this stamp. 

As I walked out of the doctors’s office with number in hand, I pondered this new reality. Am I really depressed? What does that even mean? I feel okay most of the time…or do I? Is my heavy drinking and drugging due to me being depressed? That’s just me having a good time right? Are all of my party buddies depressed too? Is everybody depressed? I felt the proverbial dark rain cloud creep over my head, you know, like it does in the anti-depressant commercials. 

For the next 2 years, every Friday, I went to The Wizard, my affectionate name for Dr. Langley, the psychologist I ended up connecting with, or shall I say, the universe placed me with. I carried the transparency I had with my doctor over to our sessions. Each week I dissected my decisions as we guided a fine-toothed comb over why I couldn’t go home before 12 a.m. The stereotypical question that psychologists ask(“so how did that make you feeeel?”) took on new meaning in practical application. There was accountability now. I could no longer sniff the weekend away and hide in my apartment recovering the following week. Also, meeting The Wizard on Friday, right before the partying commenced, began to set the tone for my weekend. It became harder and harder to tell The Wizard “I need to get it together” and then turn around and binge just a few hours later. But often, that’s exactly what I did. 

After several sessions of not being able to change my ways and being stuck in a rut, The Wizard suggested a low-dosage prescription for Sertraline, commercially known as Zoloft, an anti-depressant medication. This only added to the gravity of my original diagnosis. Now, not only did I have the doctor’s official word and a record of counseling sessions, I also had the pills to prove it. I officially had a problem that required medication. 

I eventually got my act together and cleaned up my life. I’ll write a longer post about this soon, but what did it for me wasn’t the medication. It was the sitting with myself in disgust night after night. 

Being honest with my condition and my actions, knowing that I was being FAR from my highest self. Identifying my dark side and speaking openly and honestly about it week after week on The Wizard’s couch. I had to stop acting like I had everything under control while also recognizing that I AM in control of my life. 

I haven’t been hungover in years and I’m no longer triggered by the sight of powdered sugar. But what remains is that I occasionally have bouts of anxiety and depression. I know what it feels like now. I can identify the funk before it fully sets in and employ ways to pull myself out of it with healthy coping strategies. It’s work. It requires effort and intense introspection, but it’s worth it. 

What grinds my gears these days is the way mental health is approached by some, especially on social media. Self-proclaimed experts and influencers espouse the merits of positive thinking, and manifestation, and optimism carried on a “Good Vibes Only” throne. I’ve even seen someone reply to a person struggling with depression, “Just think happy thoughts!” What in the actual f*ck kinda response is that?!?

Search for “Good Vibes Only” and you’ll find stickers, mugs, t-shirts, doormats. I find bullshit! 

To be fair, I, too, believe in the power of cultivating a healthy mindset and looking on the bright side. This is sound advice as part of a larger approach. But acting like the bad vibes don’t exist and we can just think the negativity away seems inauthentic and unrealistic. 

It is our human experience to feel the wide range of emotions. At an early age, young children learn how to identify different feelings. A growing child (and hell, adults for that matter) is considered well-developed if they are able to regulate negative emotions. They not only explore what makes Mary happy, but also what makes Jack sad, and conversely what can Jack do to be happy again. 

We don’t expect people to always be positive, because that’s not the reality of life. Shit happens. Negative emotions and feelings arise. But what makes the true test of character is how we respond in times of adversity. 

“There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.” 

Malcolm X 

Speaking of improvement, common job interview questions ask “what are your strengths?” AND “what are your weaknesses?” Having a thoughtful answer to the latter demonstrates someone who is introspective and well-rounded. The employer would frown upon the applicant who projects a “Good Vibes Only” attitude and says, “I don’t have any weaknesses, only strengths.” There are no areas of growth, no room for improvement or desire to improve. 

“Without struggle, there is no progress.” 

Frederick Douglass 

As I consider my own inevitable path to success, I take inspiration from countless celebrities and important figures who overcame adversity on their journey to greatness. 

Billionaire media mogul Tyler Perry recounts stories of sleeping in his car while struggling to pave out a career in Hollywood. 

Harry Potter creator and author J.K. Rowling was a single mother on welfare way before she amassed a billion dollar net worth. 

Oprah makes it no secret that she started from nothing and endured a life of poverty. Steve Harvey, the same. And this is just a handful of countless examples from a list certainly too long to enumerate here. 

The “rags to riches” story is the America Dream. Sure, the riches are attractive and glitzy, but it’s the “rags” that is the real motivator. It’s the sitting in a less than ideal place that can give us the push to get out of it. “I may not know what true happiness/success is, but I know THIS AIN’T IT!” Definition by negation. 

What makes these celebrities intriguing and inspirational is that they overcame “negative” situations and adversity. Knowing that even they started from the bottom makes them more human and relatable. Ask them about their lives and I’m certain they won’t just focus on the good; their stories won’t start from the point where their net worth surpassed a million dollars. They are who they are because of what they went through; the good AND the bad. 

“You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages.” 

Michelle Obama 

Fast forward back to the present. My life recently took another unexpected turn as I was let go from another teaching job. This time around, I again felt negative emotions arise. Anger at the school system, frustration at not being able to talk to my students, anxiety over how I’ll support my family, victimization at being singled out and spit out from the system…and yes, depression. 

In the back of my mind, I know that everything happens for a reason, and that when one door closes another opens, and that gold is purified by fire, and that adversity only serves to make us stronger. However, that doesn’t stop me from being pissed off! 

So this time, I’m allowing myself to sit with these feelings. To feel them. To work through them. Because they are real. Though I haven’t sat on The Wizard’s couch in some time, I’m employing the same transparency and vulnerability with myself, being open and honest about where I am, how I got here, and, of course, how it’s making me feeeel. 

Experiencing sadness and anger can make you feel more creative, and by being creative, you can get beyond your pain and negativity. 

Yoko Ono 

I’ll admit, it can be hard to not get stuck in these negative emotions and wallow is despair. However, recognizing the full spectrum of my emotions and beings is what let’s me see the light at the end of the tunnel. Journeying through the darkness allows us to fully appreciate the light. 

As for my kids’ playtime, eventually the rain subsided and they were able to go outside and play again. And in that moment of elation and gratitude they shone even brighter. It’s as if they themselves became the Sun. Though it may be partly cloudy, the Sun still shines…and sometimes it pierces through that one small opening just to let us know that it’s still there. 

Peace and Love,

Rankofa